2008-09-16
I’ve done a few notes on this story and I suppose it’s time to do another one.
Girl Fag is a big story, 43 chapters right now at about 10K words each is almost half a million words. That’s a bunch. What’s important for me when I write it is that each chapter has to contribute something to Ann’s character. It has to further the plot, which is Ann’s journey of self discovery. Some stories I’ve read have a lot of filler and not a lot of substance and I’m hopeful that every chapter I’ve posted has something important to say. A chapter couldn’t be removed and not be missed, each one is essential. That’s my fundamental goal towards the writing of this or any story.
I started the story with an objective. A goal line to achieve and not a terribly specific one perhaps, but it is definite. Ann has to go from being a “boy” to being a “girl” and not just any girl, she has to be female enough to win a beauty pageant, for example. She has to be taken seriously enough to become the homecoming queen. Those are not little things for a girl, a young woman of 14-16 or maybe 17 years old. At the beginning of the story, Ann is so far away from being that sort of girl that a real and genuine metamorphosis has to take place. So that was the challenge I set for myself and that’s a big, big bite to try and swallow.
When I reread the story, or portions of it, I think it’s written very well. Not technically perhaps, but as a train of thoughts and a progression of events, and cause and effect, I think it’s pretty good. The language is deliberately simple, Ann’s vocabulary isn’t huge or complicated and that both helps and limits her as a character. As a storyteller it works for me because I use her expression, her voice to demonstrate a growing maturity and understanding. I’m not sure how well that comes out, but it is in my head and probably it just helps me more than the reader.
That same simple, straightforward style of telling the story does mask the complications that arise when writing it. You read it and it seems simple and logical and things make sense, but looking at a blank page and trying to divine what comes next isn’t always easy. I’ve probably done more backtracking and rewriting with this story than I have with all my other ones put together. And that includes the original chapter 17 which was really tearing me up because that was when Brian and his friends corner Ann in the locker room shower. My original instinct was that she was raped.
I wrote the shower rape scene and I posted it knowing that my instincts were right, but my method was wrong. Within a day or two I’d rewritten the whole chapter and punished Brian with his premature ejaculation. The rape, which was correct in essence for Brian’s character, was moved to a later chapter when Ann goes to his house and into Brian’s bedroom, and obviously she barely escapes him. And that whole story arc worked much better and I was much happier with it, but wow! It took a lot of thinking and writing to get it out there and get it right.
And that’s just one example of how much work it is to write that story. I had to do a ton of research on cars. I know nothing about cars. I get in the backseat, somebody drives, and we get where we’re going. That’s all I know about cars. I don’t even have a driver’s license. I took driving lessons and crashed my car and gave up in tears. So I’ve spent hours downloading web pages and information on cars and terminology and asking people questions. I hate cars. Football is the same way. Thankfully we have a Playstation and an Xbox and I like Resident Evil and my husband likes Madden football, so I played that and figured out how football works. Stupid game.
Some aspects of Girl Fag and the characters in it…It’s a fairy tale. A myth, if you like, and the people in it, particularly Ann, are heroes in the classical sense. They’re not like us. They’re larger than life meaning that they’re idealized versions of reality. Jane is more beautiful than beautiful. Julie is innocence personified. Scott possesses perfect empathy. Steve is strong and brave and the knight in shining armor. And every character should hopefully possess at least one characteristic to perfection, whether it’s for good or bad. Henry is pure mischief. Coach is the real father figure in Ann’s life.
At the same time, they each have to present flaws, or a single flaw that makes them vulnerable. Steve loves his sister, that’s his flaw. Jane’s beauty is marred by her low self-esteem. Not all the flaws have been or necessarily will be revealed but they exist, if only in my notes and in my head, and when opportunities arise I try to show them. But that’s where I’m coming from as I write the main characters.
The other characters that are in and out of the story are there largely to present Ann with new experiences and challenges to overcome. Monica and Stacy, in particular. Lisa’s family. Levi and Sandy are two other ones. Her friends in town and Little Steve and his family, his father especially is a villain and he’s creepy, or he should be. I hope he makes readers a little nervous with his obsession and that’s his thing. He’s perfectly obsessed and it’s desire taken to the extreme. Ann doesn’t have enough experience to be truly afraid of it, but she is a little wary. But they’re all there for a purpose that relates directly to Ann. The Boz, for example, is just a benevolent force that she can rely on when she needs the comfort of knowing that “everything’s gonna be cool” if Ann relaxes and takes it easy. He’s the universe, which is why he’s the biggest character physically and decidedly not beautiful, but compelling nonetheless.
I’m up to a thousand words already? Yikes!
I talk a lot and don’t say much. I really want to find an end at 50 chapters, if I can. That’s why I’m writing slowly now because every chapter has to really count and resolve something. Chapter 43 was a biggie because it was an eye opener for Ann. It really is the resolution of her relationships with both Steve and Lisa. Lisa understands that immediately when she removes her collar and leaves it in the car. She doesn’t bring it into the motel room, not only because Ann will obviously not be in a mood to play, but also because she realizes that Ann can’t continue with what’s going on. It was a symbolic thing and maybe readers got it or they didn’t, it doesn’t really matter. But that’s what I was saying there and it’ll be expressed more clearly in a later chapter.
So that’s where I’ve been and where I am and where I’m going with all this. It isn’t easy writing, mostly because after that many chapters the pressure really grows to maintain the level of quality and interest and carry it through to the very last word. At the beginning of a story, you can say whatever you want and it goes quick and easy; the end is always the challenge for me and for most authors. We’ve all read books and stories that start out great but the ending sucks, like the author just didn’t care or didn’t know how and where to end effectively. I really try to avoid that and finish a story with the same or even more energy than I start it with.
I hope I do that with Girl Fag and I guess that’s a good place to end this because my ride’s here. Thanks
rache
