2008-09-30
Strangely enough, and I’m a big believer in coincidence, I received two emails on the same day in which readers commented on the length and content of my stories. Perhaps other authors have also found similar musings in their mail boxes, I’m not sure.
One of them (and I must paraphrase as I don’t have the email in front of me) said… “You write hot sex scenes and I always get off, but I have to skip a lot of bullshit to get to them. Stop writing so much and give us readers what we want: SEX!!!”
Another email, back-to-back mind you, said: “I adore your stories, but I often have to skip the sex scenes because I’m so involved with the characters and what they’re doing. Please, please write more stories with less sex in them.”
Needless to say these are mixed signals and in all fairness, neither comment is the first of its kind that I’ve received. But on the same day? My bushy little tail is twitching!
Unfortunately my name isn't Solomon and I have no solution...But I do have this, which makes just about as much sense and it will have to suffice for an answer until I figure something else out.
The Out-CONUS Rental Agreement
Para.I
The party of the first part, being the Lease Holder for the duration of this contract, shall herewithforever be known as Your Name Here (or simply Mistress/Master); and the party of the second part, being Under Lease for the duration of this contract shall hereforeverafter be known as Rachael Ross (or simply Property); and this contract will suffice in all matters legal and/or otherwise to present due ownership for, responsibility of, and unrestricted access to the body and mind of the party of the second part by the party of the first part, unless otherwise indicated in the agreement as specified in Paragraph III below.
Para.II
Without regard to Local Law, Custom, and/or Taboo the party of the second part, being the Property she is, agrees freely and without reservation to Suck Cock; Lick Pussy; Wash Balls; Tongue Assholes; Lick Feet, Fingers, Underarms, Etc; Swallow Cum, Spit, Piss, Etc; Take Cock Bareback in her Asshole and Pussy; Masturbate, Piss, Suck, Fuck, Etc in Public and Private as circumstances dictate. Furthermore, Property fully agrees to engage in Any and All Sexual Activity with Horses, Dogs, Goats, Etc and accept any and all forms of Penetration and Stretching including but not limited to Dildos, Beer Bottles, Baseball Bats, Etc in Any Orifice Available; Property agrees Not To require any form of contraceptive for the duration of this contract. Additionally, Property will Accept any and all forms of BDSM to include Bondage; Corporal Punishment; Piercing; Tattooing; Public Humiliation, Degradation, Etc; and Any Other Sexual Activity not expressly noted in this contract.
Para.III
The following Restrictions apply: The Lease Holder may not sub-lease the party of the second part to Any Third Party for profit or non-monetary compensation. The Lease Holder may not: Amputate, Institutionalize, Snuff, Etc the party of the second part for Any Reason; Property will not engage in any sexual activity with persons under the age of Reason as Defined by Thomas Aquinas; Property will not participate in Any Activities involving Pigs, Electricity, Infants, Etc; Property Agrees to Negotiate Over Pie any subsequent modifications to this paragraph As Required to facilitate the fulfillment of Property’s Moral and Legal obligations.
Dated: Today’s Date
Signed: Party of the First Part
Signed: Party of the Second Part
Witnessed: Officer of the Court or Embassy
Notarized: Notary or Public Registrar Signature and Seal
Copy 1 Lease Holder Copy
Copy 2 Property Copy
Copy 3 File with Government Agency or Embassy
Copy 4-6 Seattle Girl Rental Legal, Accounting, and HRO Copies
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"What the hell is that?" you may ask, well...If you ever saw my website, you'd know! Please visit the BFG/Severe Discipline Webring today. (Noooo...I'm not going to tell you where it is!) I'm teasing you. I don't have a webring or a web site, and certainly not four of them! Where would I find the time?
I should mention that BFG is the owner and operating agency for "Seattle Girl Rental" which specializes in introducing the lonely traveler to girls more than willing to do anything for a dollar. Our girls come in a variety colors to fit your mood and the flavor of the month is always cherry! Next time you're in Seattle, don't waste your time missing your wife and children...Call Seattle Girl Rental and order up a hot blonde cherry pie ala mode! You won't be sorry and your wife will never know. We discreetly bill your major credit card as "Pumpin' Pete's Penis Enlargement Service" so go ahead, let her see your bank statements and then ask your wife if she's noticed anything different about you lately! Seattle Girl Rental ~ We know Women because We are One!
But, people do ask me "What the hell is BFG? Bi Female Golfer?" Only in your dreams, Tiger. No. BFG is my very own little production company and it stands for "Bound For Glory" and we produce only the finest in BDSM entertainment using homeless people and stray dogs. We pay them with foodstamps and the McDonalds Gift Certificates that we take from little kids at Christmas after we beat them up. Don't look so shocked...Everybody does it, but here at BFG we're honest enough to admit it!
Severe Discipline is our parent company and a wholly owned subsidiary of T.S.Severe Heavy Industries Ltd. "Don't blame us, we didn't do it!" That was our old motto, our new one is, "God made mankind, but everything else is made in China!" since we recently opened a 40,000 Sqft dildo factory in Shanghai. No, silly, the dildo's aren't that big...the factory is! Our largest dildo is a life-size replica of George Bush complete with our patented "Fist Pumpin' Rally the Troops to Victory!" handshake technology. Put one in your front yard and watch the neighbors turn green with envy!
For a full catalogue, please visit our website at www.whitehouse.gov and tell 'em rache sent ya. That'll put you on the FBI's Watch List along with such notable personalities as Wheelchair Bob, Seymour Bush, and that crazy old lady with all the cats. You know the one.
Any questions?
rache
