2008-09-26
I’ve decided to write a “Rachael’s Guide to Picking Up Psychotic Women” to help out some guys I know, so that will be occupying some of my spare time.
I have a guide to writing and I’ve posted it before.
The rache Guide to Writing
Chapter One
Make sure you have really thick skin.
The end
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
That’s the whole thing. I edited it myself. Probably I should double space it, huh? Make it a little thicker.
Some people do ask me “rache, how do I write a story?” or some variation on that question and my answer is always the same. “Beats me.” I don’t know how you do it, I only know how I do it. I’ve condensed my process into a few very simple steps. If you’d care to emulate them, be my guest. I don’t believe in capitalism. Everything should be free. Everyone should own a gun too. I’m an optimist.
Okay how do I write? Easy:
(1) I start with a blank screen and absolutely silence while I gather the forces of darkness around me. (Selling my soul was the best deal I ever made!)
(2) I start typing. It doesn’t matter what. I like to start with dialogue because then I know I have a character. Usually, by the time I hit my first comma I know how the story is going to end and I just keep typing until I get there.
(3) Repeat as necessary until you have so many stories that you can write your own writing guide.
I don’t make notes. I don’t arc my plots or my characters. I don’t worry a lot about where anything is happening. Every character has something to say and the trick, if there is such a thing, is to let them say it. I know this is totally unhelpful, sorry about that. If I was good at teaching I’d probably be a teacher instead of the shiftless coffee making pencil sharpener I am. I can sharpen pencils like you wouldn’t believe!
Anyway, if you’re serious about writing like I wish I was, there are some writing guides out there. I’ve seen the links, but never actually looked at any of them, but I’m sure they’re outstanding.
What else? I’m in a talkative mood, just cause I’m too wired to sleep and too sleepy to write. I should go karaoke, but he’s already asleep.
Editors. People ask, “Why don’t you get an editor?” or else they ask “Rachael, who is your editor?” What I’m looking for in an editor isn’t necessarily what most editors want to do, so I do it myself mostly. Being schizophrenic comes in handy sometimes, believe me. Editing is a lot like masturbation, except it isn’t as fun and makes a bigger mess. I edit as I go and proofread for grammar and spelling as I feel the compulsion. That is to say, I give the story or chapter a once over immediately before posting and then I read the story through once it’s posted on the website. Amazing how errors jump off the screen once the story is out of my hands…I hate that!
I write reasonably clean anyway though, so I should be grateful.
The illusion of debt. I see it in emails, in forums, in blogs, in…everywhere. “Author’s owe us this…” and “Author’s owe us that…” I see a lot of complaints about slow/unfinished/abandoned stories and it’s a hot topic, especially for readers who are emotionally invested in a story. I appreciate that as I’m sure most authors do. My own philosophy is that I have no debts to readers other than those I’m willing to make. I can’t be “forced” into writing something just because a reader expects it of me. They can expect me to send them fifty dollars, it doesn’t mean I’ll do it, and time really is money…But that’s an oversimplification, I think.
I’m willing to entertain a debt in the sense that I’m obligating myself to finish something I start, if it can be finished. But that’s a debt to myself and I’m one of those people who respond well to internal motivation and very poorly to external. Everytime someone says I owe them something, I just bristle at that and I have to pause and reinterpret the statement into something internalized. I don’t owe readers anything, but I try to align my own requirements so that we can all be satisfied.
Why am I bothering to say any of that? I dunno. I like the drama. Or more likely I want to make my excuses before I rant at someone. It’s always better to plan rants well in advance and lay the groundwork early, believe me. Ranting is underrated as an art form and I really wish I had a collection of my finest rants. I think they’d score remarkably well given the environment and calendar.
And speaking of politics, nobody wonders but I’ll tell you anyway. I’m an anarchist and truthfully, if a political party has a national convention? They’re too far right for me. I don’t really believe in elections and I’m pushing for a system of political selection based on a national lottery…Mostly because it gives me one chance in a few hundred million of getting to fuck in the white house every night. Failing a lottery, picking a random name out of a phone book sounds pretty good too. That’s why I keep my numbers listed!
What else? A top ten list!
Here’s my top ten favorite stories (not written by me) and found on SOL… Ummmm…I’ll get back to you on that.
I have to confess, and this is serious, that I’ve only read about a dozen porn stories in my whole life and four of those were flash. I just don’t like to read porn. I’m reading “Charlotte’s Movie” by Ken Randall and it seems pretty good so far. I read the prologue and the epilogue already. Like I told him the other day, one step at a time. So for you few people who wonder why I don’t have any favorites listed, that’s why.
I just am not into reading the stuff. I don’t even reread mine, except to edit them a year or two later. It’s not that the stories are bad, mine or anyone else’s; it’s a combination of things. I don’t have time is number one. I absolutely cannot stress how little time I have to do anything like read or write just for fun. It’s why I type as fast as I can when I can and spare little energy for the niceties like editing. I’m going to be kicking myself tomorrow for not writing Tina Vasquez (5) right now…I should be working on that.
So, if you want to know what rache reads…Very little. But I did read an awesome Jaoman story yesterday. Hmmm…I forget the title. “Your Will” by Jaowriter…Pure stroke! But he had to point it out and that’s the way it is for almost everything I read. I can’t go browsing, which pretty much sucks. I’d like to run a category search on pygmy cream pies some time. I have this idea of writing a story and taking codes literally, like writing a story with water sports and cream pie codes and have like two water polo teams throwing banana cream pies at each other after a big game…
I’m really tired!
rache
